Eric, your bravery is well-noted. However, why bench race when you can picnic table race?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXOX_XBSxDU
I'll save you the time. go to the 5:30 ish mark for the demo. The only thing I would change is I think a PTO that fed into a table -mounted margarita blender is required, and maybe a beer cooler countersunk into the table top. And, unlike the dude, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't weld up the diff!
best
bt