What's in a Name?
A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial he asked the judge "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true.
“Does this also mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
With that the man turned to his accuser and said "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson".
I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.
So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm
She's doing better currently .
And conducting herself properly
In Iran, everyone's afraid of spiders. But in Iraq-no phobia.
Have a fear of intruders sneaking into your home ? You're not alone.
I've developed a severe fear of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.
I have a huge fear of hair. I dread locks.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
I'm developing a fear of German sausage. I fear the wurst.
Had my electricity cut off last night.
Boy, was I delighted!!
Wanted:
Dead batteries, free of charge
Christmas With Saint Peter
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells" . Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols".
My farmer friend used his stimulus to buy baby chickens.
He got his money for nothing and his chicks for free...
Getting wiser with age...
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I had a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
Later, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
After a while I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big boobs.