More bad jokes

[R. Pare]

The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!”
As time went by, the hours flew and the margaritas disappeared far too quickly. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.


Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos= MIDNIGHT!)


The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”…. he didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.” When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh ****” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[R. Pare]

[Lynn]

It is true. Affluence and power make for smaller balls.

[E1pix]

At last, I finally understand myself.

[R. Pare]

Why do girls rub their eyes when they wake up?

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/_uW7C...?feature=share

[R. Pare]

TWELVE COMMANDMENTS for SENIORS.........
1 - Talk to yourself. There are times when you need expert advice.

2 - “In style” are the clothes that still fit.

3 - You don't need anger management.
You need people to stop pissing you off.

4 - Your people skills are just fine.
It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, “I don't need to write that down.
I'll remember it.”

6 - “On time” is when you get there.

7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid, but it sure does muffle the sound.

8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

9 - Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

11 - Aging has slowed you down but hasn't shut you up.

12 - You still haven't learned to act your age
and hope you never will.

. . . And one more:

“One for the road” means peeing before you leave the house.



'OLD' IS WHEN...
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

AND

'OLD' IS WHEN....
You are not sure these are jokes.